


Die, Die My Darling

by vampiregirl89



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Depression, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealousy, Kidnapping, M/M, Psychological Torture, Rough Oral Sex, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Content, Submission, Torture, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:27:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8762347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampiregirl89/pseuds/vampiregirl89
Summary: Don't cry to me oh babyYou should have seen it coming on





	1. Chapter 01.

**Author's Note:**

> Another fanfic I wrote years ago. I never posted it before.
> 
> Hope you like it ♥

I was nervous; I had knocked on the door infinite times, and still got no answer. I could feel my hands deadly cold, and the _need_ growing in anticipation inside of me.

I was about to give up when the door suddenly was opened; I felt relieved. I saw Mikey’s sleepy face turning into an angry frown as he saw me outside of his house, in the middle of the night, for the third time just this week.

“Frank, will I have to tell you everything all over again? Go home.”

He didn’t sound angry. More like giving a friendly advice.

“Mikey, don’t lie to me. I know Gerard is there.” I said after staring at him for some time. He smirked.

“Of course you know, right?! It must be the twentieth time you come here this month, jesus!” He said, his voice sounded calm but he still had that bothered look on his face. “Drawing in back of the house. You two are fucking crazy, just you understand each other.”

“I really wanted to see him…”

“Arrgh… Go! Next time I’ll let you outside to die from the cold.”

He gives me space to get in, and I go straight to the backdoor, not giving attention to Mikey who just closed the door and got upstairs as fast as he could.

Finally I got into my real natural habitat. There I felt safe: the careless garden that I spent most of my childhood playing, an old gothic bench that belonged to Gerard’s grandmother, the yellowish weak light and Gerard sitting while drawing on his sketchbook. I smiled watching him.

“You’re late.” He said and didn’t even look up at me, kept his concentration. I sat down by his side. He scribbled ferociously a typically old London landscape. His grandmother, Helena, was an artist and teached Gerard all about it. He loved her gothic style, but I knew he mostly drawed landscapes when he dreamed of it.

“You look horrible. Didn’t you sleep today?

“Why thank you.”

“Didn’t you sleep today?” He still didn’t look up at me this whole time, not even for a second. I found that strange. Usually he would give me a kiss on the cheek and mess with my hair, looking at me with his usual serious face and telling me about who boring his day was.

“I was very busy thinking.”

“Look at me, Gerard.”

“I don’t have to, I alredy know how you are. And I now you are beautiful just like every day.” He continued, speaking with an indifference in his voice that made me want to punch him in the face.

“I’m cold. Will we go upstairs?” I said, trying to get out of that awkward situation. He was acting strange and irritating me with so much frigidity.

“Sure.” He answers, as if he just noticed I was there. He got up with his sketchbook still in his hands. I followed him inside.

Gerard has always been like this, with his provocative behavior. But I knew something was wrong. He never was  the kind of person who would just say it right away, which has always been a problem. 

“Can’t you two stay outside? Huh?” Mikey complained as we got into the room he shared with Gerard. He was on his computer, only the light of the screen illuminated the room. Although I liked it, I felt a little bothered with so much darkness. But Gerard used to say he had sensitive retinas, and so he preferred it like that.

“Don’t worry. We didn’t even notice you are watching porn.” I said, sitting on Gerard’s bed. He laughed loudly, pulling me into a side hug. Mikey shrugged, breathing heavily. That was our routine: Bother each other. I’d like to remember that he was the one who started it.

“Oh how I missed you…” Gerard whispered, kissing my neck softly.

“I saw you at school today, Gerard.”

“I alredy said I don’t like to stay away from you not even for one hour. You’re the only one who doesn’t think I’m a psychopath or something…” He confessed. I alredy knew it was related to his social problems. He only had me and some virtual friends. He used to say only I understood him truly, but I always thought it was mostly because we were friends since our childhood.

“I was wondering if you have plans for tomorrow.” I said, poking on his hand. He was quiet. “Ger?”

“I won’t answer that stupid question. You know I don’t like to go out.”

“Jamia invited me to go to the mall with her.” I said, ignoring his answer.

“Good.”

“I want _you_ to go with me.”

Mikey turned around in the chair, looking at me and laughing.

“You are really stupid Frank.”

“If you intrude in our conversation again, I’m going to break that fucking screen on your head.” Gerard said, still with a blank face. Mikey rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer screen. “I won’t go. Why would I?”

“I don’t want to be alone… I don’t know how to talk or act with girls. You know that.”

“Frank, I’m not going to just stand there between you two the whole day. And we both know Jamia is in love with you for about two years now.” He said, hiding his face on my neck.

“Really?” I frowned "I thought she was a lesbian!”

“Stupid, stupid, stuuu-“ Mikey sang. His loud laugh irritated me, I think Gerard noticed. He got one of Mikey’s sportive shoe that was on the floor and threw it on his younger brother head. Mikey jumped out of the chair. “Fuck you Gerard, fuck you!”

“Out!” Gerard screamed and Mikey pouted as he left the room. I didn’t understand anything, as usual. The Way family is really weird.

“Well… if you’re not going, I won’t either.” I said. Gerard shooked his head disappointed and pushed me on the bed, laying down on top of me. He put each arm on the side of the bed, to support his weight. He stared at me with that dead look that irritated me immensely. I wish he was more expressive.

In moments like this I asked myself: Do I _really_ understand him?

He said nothing, just smiled. I smiled back, glad to see some brightness in his eyes, even if I didn’t find a reason for that.

“My parents come back tomorrow, in the afternoon.”

“You alredy told me that.”

“And Mikey is sleeping in their room right now, or smoking a joint in the bathroom, thinking that I don’t know about it.”

“So?” I arched one eyebrow. He gave me that one-sided smile that made me warm all over, and lowered his face closer to mine, contouring my nose with his.  I shuddered as he started to kiss and bite on my shoulders, lowering my black T-shirt just a little.

I turned my face and he sucked my skin in that area that made me shiver, until I -glancing- saw his wrists; the long sleeves of his shirt rise up a little, allowing me to see the almost healed cuts. I already knew it weeks ago. But there was something different...

“Stop, G.”

“Hm… No….”

“Gerard, you cut yourself again, didn’t you?

He stopped abruptly, as if he saw a ghost. But soon he got his blank face again, as always acting so fast and never leaving any emotion that he didn’t plan to be in sight. He sat on the bed, and so did I, expecting an answer. He put a hand on my knee, smiling softly.

“Of course not. These are the old cuts.”

“It doesn’t look like it… In fact, they seem pretty recent.”

“What is it? Don’t you trust me?” He practically growled, already changing his mood completely. He always appealed to the emotional side. He knew I was the sensitive type, and hated to hurt others. In some way, I always felt manipulated by him in our discussions.

“I don’t know. You changed a lot.”

“You’re tripping.” He laughs nervously, getting up and walking around the room as if he was suffocated, stuck there.

“Tell me what’s going on, Gerard.”


	2. Chapter 02.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys thanks for reading~~
> 
> I'm having an idea for a new fanfic but... it's as sick as me. So I'm not sure yet rsrsrsrs
> 
> Have a nice weekend♥

_“Tell me what’s going on, Gerard.”_

He covered his face with his hands; I saw the peeled black nail polish and some small old cuts on the side of his wrists.

“It’s been really hard for me since she’s gone, Frankie. You know it, you always knew about it.” I looked down to my hands were resting on my legs. His voice sounded rough, and he sobbed. He was right, I knew. He was talking about Helena, his grandmother. They were very attached, sometimes he’d even prefer her company than mine. I didn’t mind, because every time he spent the day with her he would be much more excited and creative the next days. At _that time_ Gerard was truly happy. It felt like that Gerard died with her.

I got up from the bed and held him softly. He hated to cry, even more when someone was watching.

“Shh. I know. But you have to move on, Gerd. People come and go, that’s how it works.” I felt stupid in that situation; I never knew how to comfort someone who was crying in front of me. But I couldn’t just leave him there like that. We were always there for each other. That’s what I thought, at least.

“But she promised. _Promised_. That’s why I hate everybody, all they do is lie, never comply anything.” I let go of him, watched his face getting red and the way he pulled his hair. I was perplexed. _Think, Frank. Think!_

“W-Well, she couldn’t choose to _not_ die. As long as you love her, she will be alive inside of you.” I said and he looked up at me, a little more calm.

“Bitch…” He murmured. He went to Mikey’s desk, getting the framed picture of Helena. He held it with trembling hands, and it was clear what he wanted to do. He threw it to the wall in the opposite side of us. It passed right near my head. I didn’t act or move from the shock. The glass shattered and fell all over the floor. Gerard left the room, revolted.

“What the hell is going on?” Mikey said as he ran into the room. He didn’t even look at Gerard when he walked in. “Frank?”

“The usual, Mikey.” I sighed. Gerard was my biggest challenge and I felt defeated.

 

**~~**

At 10 a.m. I was sitting on a table outside of school as we usually spent time during lunch, and I was waiting for Gerard. In the ending of our last class before lunch he just ran to the bathroom. From the redness of his eyes, I thought it wasn’t a good idea to talk to him _yet_.

I put my arms on the table, laying my head on it and resting. I was exhausted from what happened earlier. I had to stop supplying Gerard's needs all the time. Staying awake all dawn was wrecking me.

The sky was white with a thin drizzle falling down, but it didn’t bother me. I watched the other students, thinking that if it wasn’t for me Gerard probably wouldn’t be friends with anyone else. They seemed to be like in those high school movies, with all those artificial smiles and happiness all around even in a dark day like this. Some minutes later I saw Jamia running in my direction and smiling. I smiled back, weakly. She sat in front of me.

“Good morning!”

“Morning, Jam.”

“Why are you alone outside? It’s almost raining.” I shrugged. Looking up her shoulder I saw Gerard coming to our table. He stopped for a second, looking at me hesitantly. I nodded and he kept walking toward us.

 “So, you will go to the mall with me or not?” Jamia asked.

“No.”

“Frank?”

“It’s just that... I forgot I had a family compromise. I can’t go.” I said and she went from happy to disappointed in just seconds. That made me angry at myself. She was a very nice girl, but I didn’t know if I could ever share the feeling she _seemed_ to have.

“Hi?” Gerard said, sitting next to Jamia.

“Hi.” She said, a bit bitter I would say. I didn’t know how was the feeling of being rejected by someone you like, because I never really liked anyone. But I didn’t think the mood would suddenly turn to something so melancholic just because of something like that. It didn’t make sense to me.

“Listen… Why don’t you go with Mikey?” I said and not just her but Gerard looked at me with wided eyes.

“Who?”

“My brother.” Gerard answered in a low voice.

“Oh. No, no. I can wait you for some time. But we can still go to the ice cream shop after class, as always?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“Great. See you later, boys.” She smiled softly and kissed my cheek, and soon got back inside.

Gerard and I were silent for some time. But it wasn’t like our silent time in the garden: calm, comfortable. This one was… Embarrassing. Like there was something we should say but it would never come out.

“Why don’t you… Why don’t you just tell her you don’t like her?” He said after some time. I looked up in surprised, not expecting that subject. He stared at the table.

“Why would I?” I said, calmly. He took a deep breath.

“I knew you liked her. I mean...Like.”

“I don’t, I just don’t see a reason to hurt her.”

“You are hurting her not admitting what you really feel.” He whispered angrily and for a second I felt like we weren’t talking about the same person.

“Well, she didn’t come at me and said she loves me or something!” I said with an ironic tone. “You’re the one who started saying that.”

“She doesn’t _have_ to say it, you idiot! She wants to be close to you. That’s more than enough.” He said still angry.

“Maybe I wanna be close to her too. But I’m confused.” I confessed. “We are good friends. But… You know I’m not usually friends with girls.”

“Y-You _want_ to be close to her?!” He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know where this will take us to…”

“What If I told you that I love you?”

“What?” I looked up at him.

“ I love you Frank.” He said, way more calm now.

“Gerard, what the hell you’re talking about? Was this supposed to be funny?”

“You know, I’ve been thinking about this for some time now. I like you more than anyone else, I want you around all the time and… I hate Jamia. So I concluded that I love you.” He just threw those words on my face, and I was perplexed.

“I don’t know what to say. Seriously?” I just said that to not be silent, because I had no idea of how to react.

“I just wanted you to know.”

“So? What happens now?” Gerard laughed lowly.

“I believe this is the part where you let me know if the feeling is mutual or not.  You know?”

No. I don’t.

I never imagined a moment like this. Gerard and I never talked about a possible romantic relationship between us. Of course, we were used to share kisses on the cheek or some caresses that most friends wouldn’t do to each other, especially being men, but we weren’t _just_ friends. We’ve been together basically our entire lives. But –at least for _me_ \- it was all innocent, just the curiosity of two teenagers who didn’t have courage or desire to do that to anyone else that we didn’t know. It was another way to support each other, supplying the basic need of love that we didn’t get from anyone else.

I just never imagined one day he’d say he loves me as more than friends. Not with the way he hid his feelings as much as he could, and was now throwing them on my face, for no particular reason.

“You know I’ve never had a relationship with anyone.” I said after some time thinking. He stared at me with no emotion on his eyes, which I alredy expected. There I was rejecting two people in less than 15 minutes. That all seemed too surreal for me.

“Frank, we are sixteen. It’s impossible that you never at least felt in love.” He said, a bit irritated. Again his bipolarity attacked in the wrong time.

“Not me!” I was surprised by his words “So that means _you_ have ever felt in love?” I couldn’t imagine that.

“Ha Ha.” He seemed hurt for what I said. “I know it’s hard for you to believe, but I _do_ have a heart. I liked… You remember that girl June? From eight grade?”

“The smartest girl in class?” I gasped  “You never even looked at her!” I said, impressed.

“Of course I did.” He rolled his eyes. “But I disguised that. I didn’t want anyone to know and tell her or something. But when she left school, I didn’t even think about her anymore...”

“My god!”

“You have been in love. I know it.” He smirked.

“Gerard, why you never told me that? I mean… We are friends… Men… Shit!”

“How did _you_ never notice before?” He tried, but that didn’t work with me, not at all. “It’s been some time since I’ve been thinking about it… But I was afraid to say something. Mostly because you are just like me.”

“Gerard…”

“If you want to not be friends anymore, I will understand. I…” He said looking at his own hands, but stopped speaking suddenly. I frowned as he suddenly looked up at me again. “What the fuck am I saying? Of course I won’t accept that. If you stay away from me, it will all be fucking ruined.”

“Gerard!”

“Frank, I’m not proud of this, okay?” he said embarrassed “I know we are men and all that bullshit. But I think about you so much. I feel crazy. I want to mutilate anyone that comes near you, I get angry just imagining... You, years from now, getting married and having kids with some random girl. That’s fucking _disturbing_ to me. My biggest fear is to lose you.”

“If you are afraid of ‘losing me’ why are you telling me all this now?”

“What?”

“Gerard, it’s clear that things won’t be the same after this conversation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you think?


	3. Chapter 03.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. Sorry for the long wait, I didn't have energy yesterday when I was planning to post.
> 
> *IMPORTANT*  
> So, I have to clarify one thing to you.  
> As you can see, I changed the Rating of the fic and ADDED new tags (I didn't delete any). The thing is, I changed the middle of the fic, lets say. The ending is still what I intended, but the way to get there is more different and interesting for me than the one I had in mind before.  
> I want you to please read the new tags. I'm sorry if you get triggered by any of them, but I'm telling all this beforehand so nobody gets uncomfortable. Please keep in mind that I originally wrote this fic some years ago, I was a different person with different ideas and writing styles, so I felt the need to change. But that's unusual as I always say, I usually have more chapters alredy written before posting a fic. 
> 
> I didn't change anything about the last chapters, I didn't change the characters, nothing that you read is going to be useless, just want you to know that :) Even because if that happened it would turn into a different fanfic.
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and comments! ♥___♥

“Gerard, it’s clear that things won’t be the same after this conversation.”

“What you mean, Frank?” He smiled nervously.

“Now that you said that, we can’t be friends like _before_. Ugh… fuck.”

“Frank? I thought that...”

“Thought what? That I would say ‘oh I love you too Romeo’ and we would be together forever?”

“Yeah, actually.” He said sarcastically.

“Gerard, things aren’t that easy! And do you think people would accept this? Just imagi-…”

“Wait!” He interrupted me “ _Now_ you decided to care about other people’s opinion? Who the fuck else cares about you? Look around. You only have _me_ , Frank! Nobody else is there for you. Nobody.”

I felt indignated and got up from the table as the school bell rang. I walked back inside like everybody else was doing.

“Frank Iero don’t you walk away from me!” Gerard held my arm.

“I-I just, leave me alone Gerard. I need time.”

I unraveled from his arm and kept walking, not wasting time to look at his expression, it would surely shatter my heart into a thousand pieces. Great, there I was having stupid thoughts all because of Gerard. I went back to the classroom, I seemed normal on the outside, but inside definitely devastated and confused.

During classes I barely looked at Gerard. But when school was over and I saw Jamia waiting for me to go have ice cream, I _felt_ his eyes all over me. I looked at him, fast enough just to confirm that. His eyes were very angry… That was the most scaring thing about Gerard, most of his expressions were on his eyes and they could be simply terrifying. I didn’t do anything, just got Jamia by the hand to leave as fast as possible.

Again, that same look he had last dawn. While me and Jamia walked, all I could think of was our conversations and the way he pinned me down to his bed. I felt disgusted imagining what he had on his mind.

 

**~~**

 

It was 3 am and I stared at the ceiling, watching the light and shadows that came from my window that was barely opened. That was the time I would to go to the Way’s house and my body was used to be “active” in the middle of the night, so I couldn’t get any sleep.

I lay on my other side, imagining if all of this was really _my_ fault.

Earlier that day on the ice cream shop, Gerard and Mikey walked past me and Jamia. Gee glared at me with such disdain that I’ve never seen before –not to _me_. I missed him. But I didn’t feel love, whatever that is. Have I ever felt in love without noticing? Well… I did like Jamia, she’s was a good company. She speaks a lot but knows when to listen.  She listen weird bands that I never heard of before, but listening to her was very fun. She was pretty too, but I couldn’t really picture myself kissing her. Or anyone at all.

 

~~

 

Next day I got to school earlier, not many people were around. As I got to my first class, I just saw Gerard sitting on the chair next to mine. That would seem normal, but it wasn’t. The “problem” is that, let’s say, all the other chairs were correctly lined up, except for _his_ that was practically glued next to mine. I thought about going to the bathroom or outside, to pass the time. But I knew sometime I would have to confront him. Now that I was less angry and shocked, I wasn’t sure if I wanted our friendship to end because of that. Maybe he was just confused, after all I was the closest person to him.

I walked inside and sat on my desk. He didn’t look up at me yet. For a moment, I thought everything was okay.

“Good morning, Frankie.”

His voice confirmed I was deadly wrong. He spoke with such fake sympathy. Shit. _What do I do?_

“Hi Ger.”

I didn’t look at him, just got my notebook out of my bag. I usually wouldn’t but I had nothing else to do. We were the only one’s there. Hell. I should have gone to the bathroom or get some water.

“Why didn’t you go to my house yesterday?”

I kept staring at my desk, when suddenly I felt Gerard’s hand on mine. It was warm. From the corner of his eyes I saw him looking at me. That was all freaking creepy.

“I-I didn’t think it would be a good idea.” I saw, my voice sounded more firm than I thought it would.

“Well, it wasn’t a good idea to _not_ go. Look what I did for you.” I frowned as I turned my head to finally look at him. He put his right arm on his desk and pulled his jacket up. Just seeing the healing cuts and scars I felt nausea. Imagining him doing that was too painful, it must hurt like a bitch. But it wasn’t worst then what I saw later: he had cut “Frank” in small cuts on his arms. It seemed recent.

“The fuck is this?” I asked agitated, eyes wide. Gerard never did something like this before, or at least I never _saw_ it. There it was again. The power that he knew he had over me; He knew how much his cutting habit affects me, and if he did it like _this_ , is because he _really_ wanted to see me destroyed and guilty in front of him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t even sleep.”

“Gerard! That’s nuts. You are out of your mind. Why did you do that to your arm? You say people don’t comply their promises, but you just broke the one you made to me!” I said, nervous.

“I know, but I couldn’t stand it. You left me... I lost you so easily. If I did this just one day later, imagine if...”

“Shut up! Don’t blame me for that, you are doing it as a revenge!”

“No, Frank…”

“No? Oh don’t be fucking cynical. You are acting like I’m some sort of enemy to you. I ain’t, dammit. I liked you, Gerard. You’re the only person I have, you said it yourself.”

“Fran…”

“And now you want to ruin it all, destroying yourself knowing very well how much that will affect me.”

“Look…”

“I know, I know I hurted you, and I’m very sorry. Even knowing this won’t change anything to you. But staring at me like a maniac and doing these crazy shit to yourself won’t make me love you. Quite opposite, actually.”

He got silent and the bell rang. He seemed to want to say something but soon people started to get in. He put his jacket sleeve back down.

I sighed, alredy feeling mentally exhausted. Gerard was being so childish. I didn’t forget the theories that something _had_ happened to him. In his voice, his eyes… He wasn’t the same Gerard as before. How can someone change like this? Especially for “love”. If that’s what people feel, I never want that.

“Good morning boys.”

I got out of my thoughts as Jamia passed by my chair, smiling.

“Good morning Jam.” I smiled back.

 

~~

 

As the next days passed, Gerard and I were getting away from each other even more. He still sat by my side in most classes, but didn’t talk to me anymore in some kind of psychological torture. I must admit –sadly- that he was very good at that.

I thought the situation couldn’t get worse: my best friend –who’s also a boy–, is in love with me. But this “new” Gerard just surprised me even more. His cold looks and cuts each day deeper in his arms were like shooting straight at my heart. He knew I was a very sensitive person. Not like those that would cry at anything or shit like that, but I hated to see people suffer.

I was also facing another problem: I missed him too much. I saw him during lunch, after class going back home and even in the same classroom but couldn’t talk to him, discuss about our dreams, hear him laughing at my stupid jokes, and that was torturing. I still liked him as my best friend; I wanted him to be _happy_. I was sure this was all about friendship and caring, I didn’t want to mislead him in order to fill my needs. I wasn’t like him, unlike he thought.

Then, in the ending of a Friday afternoon, when the sky was purple, pink and yellow all over, I felt a sudden courage. I walked on the streets too fast, not in the rush to see Gerard but as if someone would see how desperate I am and felt disgusted by that. That _someone,_ in this case, was me. I needed to run away from the side that repudiated that I was ruining my pride and would made me feel regret later.

I knocked on the door four times and Mikey appeared, holding the remote control. His look was full of surprise and doubt.

“Frank. I wasn’t expecting to see you anymore. Gerard is in the living room with me.”

“Actually, I came to see _you_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit slow but it's good because things are really going to start in the next chapters... I don't like to rush things in any of my fics so you can have all the proper background :3 See you on the next update ♥


	4. Chapter 04.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I don't like this one very much but it's necessary so
> 
> Thanks for the kudos/comments/bookmarks ♥
> 
> Marry xmas :D

“Frank. I wasn’t expecting to see you around so early. Gerard is in the living room with me.”

“Actually, I came to see _you_.”

He stared at me with a stupid face, as if I said that as a joke. The truth is that I didn’t want to admit that I _needed_ to see Gerard. I was afraid of what he would do now that he spent time all by himself. 

“See… _Me_?”

“Yeah. Why? Are you busy?”

“Of course not. Come in.” He smiled weakly, still apparently confused. I got in and put my coat on the sofa. “Will you wait a minute?” He asked, alredy going fast upstairs.

“Sure.”

I looked around and noticed that Gerard wasn’t in the living room anymore as Mikey had said. Did he see it was me and just... Ran?

“Come up here.” Mikey called me some time later.

 

**~~**

 

“Can’t you turn on the lights? It’s getting dark outside alredy.” I asked, sitting on Mikey’s bed.

“No.”

“Are you two freaking vampires?”

“Ha. Funny. Well, you made me lose a game, so just tell me what you want.”

Mikey sat by my side on his bed, staring at me with his arms crossed. That scene was pretty funny, the way he tried to keep a straight face, but if I laughed he wouldn’t take me serious anymore. He never had a very stable mood, just like his older brother.

“I’m having some… Problems, you know?”

I didn’t know _how_ to say it, so I just crossed my hands to make them stop trembling. I wasn’t even supposed to talk to him about it in first place, I guess. But that’s what happens when you get desperate.

“And…?”

“First, you have to promise me you won’t tell Gerard about this conversation.”

“Why do I have to promise that?”

“Just promise!”

“Fine.” He scoffed. “I promise I won’t tell Gee. Now go on.”

I took a deep breath, feeling like it was best to just go and talk to someone, get all this out of my chest. I wanted a different point of view on this situation, but I couldn’t do that with Jamia, so Mikey was the next closest person to me. I thought he must love Gerard enough to not judge him for liking me in a different way.

“Well, it’s just that, Gerard told me he loves me... More than as a friend.” I said bluntly.

“Thank god.”

“What?” I frowned as he didn’t even change his facial expression when I said that.

“I know that since years ago. He talked to me about it, asking advice on to how tell you, but that just happened once. Well, he didn’t say it was _you_ but it was very clear since you are basically glued to each other. Or _were,_ at least. I’m glad that loser finally got courage. Maybe like this he will be less repressed and stop keeping everything to himself.”

“B-But…”

“Well, if you are talking to _me_ about it now, I believe you didn’t… Work that out very well. Am I wrong?”

“No.” I sighed sadly.

“What do you feel for him?”

That was a very simple question to me. I never loved anyone, not besides my parents but I don’t think that counts. I never felt _in love._ Of course, I’ve felt attracted to some girls, but never kissed any of them. Thinking about it now, I remembered one time when Gerard and I were around twelve years old, he tried to kiss me on the lips, but I didn’t let him. We didn’t talk for four days. I think that collaborated to his fear of being rejected in case he told me, as Mikey said.

“He’s a great friend, the best I could ask for. Even though he can be hard to deal with, I like being around him... His presence, the way we always helped each other, how he laughs loudly of my totally unfunny jokes. It _was_ the perfect friendship. We understood each other like nobody else.” I said “But I don’t feel… Passion, or whatever. I can’t imagine us as a couple, that’s it. That's a very weird image for me.”

“I see…” He said, thoughtful. “But why don’t you try at least? You have nothing to lose, and it's normal that you can't imagine that since it's a new thing. Maybe having him in a different way, you’d feel something else.”

“I don’t really share that thought. Not at all.”

“Boy, are you assexuated?” He said annoyed.

“What? No... Of course not.”

“Look Frank, this is the kind of thing you should tell _Gerard_!”

“I did! But look what I got. He doesn’t even look at me... And when he does, it’s an angry look!” I said “I just wanted things to be like before… I feel so alone.”

“Hah. That’s because you didn’t see how he _really_ is.” He made a weird expression, as if he remembered of a strange scene or something “When he gets home, he stays locked in the room the whole day. Doesn’t even let me in sometimes! He doesn’t go to the garden anymore… The only reason he left is because you arrived!”

“I want to see him… but at the same time I don’t. I’m afraid to say something and ruin it all even more. He doesn’t seem to be very talkative now either.”

“I know. Well, we are two emotionally fucked people, my friend.”

“We are?” I laughed sarcastically.

“Oh trust me, living with Gerard I have way more problems than you do.” He says and I frowned.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I knew Gerard wasn’t exactly the easiest person to please, always very demanding and all but not to the point of being a _big_ problem. Basically he was like a spoiled little kid who wanted the world to adapt to _him_ , not the other way around.

“I’ve _seen_ some things… I won’t tell you anything yet since I’m not sure, but my brother is up to something. I just know it. He’s never dedicated to stuff, you know that. But now…He's acting weird.”

“ _Stuff_?” I was still feeling lost in the conversation. Mikey rolled his eyes.

“Just, nevermind. You should go now, he’s probably smoking outside waiting for you to go back home.” I felt hurt by his words but I didn’t show it, just kept a straight face.

“Fine. Thanks for listening.” I got up at left the room.

**~~**

My feelings were a mix of surprise and sadness as Gerard sat far away from me in the class next day. He never did that before, he _liked_ to be around me. Now I felt like I was just like anyone else to him, just a part of the scenario. The thing is I wasn’t sure if he was acting like that because he felt hurt by my words and rejection or if he just had moved on. That seemed unacceptable to me; Not because I thought I was irreplaceable, but I felt like he would push me more, as he always did when he wanted something.

But not this time. In fact, he didn’t even look at me –not even to give me that deathly glare. He spent the whole time on his stupid phone that looked like a silver brick. I found that _very_ strange. Gerard wasn’t _that_ into phones and technology. But he was frantically pressing the buttons, writing. _Is he texting someone?_ –I thought. That moment I understood what Mikey meant. Gerard really was up to something.

 

**~~**

 

I didn’t interfere in Gerard’s texting or his attitude of ignoring the world around him the whole day. Even when he walked out of the class to wait for Mikey outside, he didn’t take his eyes of the phone. I think I even saw him _smiling_ for a moment. That couldn’t be right. He rarely smiled at anyone else but _me_. I wasn’t jealous, just more and more curious.

It was easy to stand near him since he wasn’t noticing anyone else. Mikey got him by his arm to make him start walking, but he looked at me and nodded before leaving with his brother. _The way brothers are strange… Very strange._

I was home around 6 pm, bored and hungry, listening to music on my computer when I got a message from Mikey on ICQ.

_-Hey Frank. You gonna be free tonight?_

I never go out on a Friday night so I rolled my eyes, even knowing he couldn’t see it and typed:

_-Yes. Why?_

_-Let’s just say that Gerard doesn’t know how to delete his browser history._

I frowned. Mikey basically never lets Gerard use his computer, especially since he mostly used it to watch porn. If he did use it, it was probably hidden. But why would he want that? Every time he wanted to research some image or something he would ask Mikey to do it for him. But I had forgotten that Gerard wasn’t the same as before.

_-Cut the mysterious part Mikey._

_-He is going to meet someone tonight. Though you’d want to know._

I gasped surprising myself from my reaction; maybe I shouldn’t care. But I was still too shocked. Gerard himself said he hated to go out. He doesn’t talk to anyone else besides internet friends, but he never shared personal information such as where he lives and things like that. He liked privacy.

_-No way. Who?_

_-I don’t know. Both of them were using fake accounts. Could be anyone._ _I just hope it’s not a serial killer or a rapist at least. Gerard is so stupid man._

Fake account? Why would Gerard do that? –I thought.

_-Where are they going to meet?_

_-“Connexions Club”. I looked it up and seems to be a gay club._

Then it hit me. Gerard was looking for a hook up on the fucking internet? That made even less sense.

_-Where is it?_

As I sent that message I got up to get my jacket and my shoes.

_-202 Myrtle Avenue,_ _Boonton. He’s probably going to take a bus._

_-Where is him now?_

_-I don’t know, probably went out to smoke since mom is here._

Smoke? How stupid could Mikey be? Gerard probably alredy left.

_-Well are you going?_

_-No, I don’t care about what he does with his dick. Just thought I should let you know that apparently he’s moving on. Maybe tomorrow you could talk to him, be friends again._ _That way he will stay the fuck away from my PC and we can all go back to our lives._

Moving on? This wasn’t likely of Gerard at all. He wouldn’t meet a stranger like this, especially in a club… A _gay_ club. Right after saying he loved _me_? Part of me felt betrayed. As I alredy suspected that wasn’t love he felt for me… But why would he do that? Did he get tired of me? And all of this was just to end our friendship in a way that _I_ would be the guilty one and he would be the victim? That pissed me off. I _had_ to meet him and see it with my own eyes.

_-Where do I get the bus to Boonton Mikey?_


	5. Chapter 05.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, happy new year, hope you had a good time.  
> I may not be able to post the chapters that soon in both fics but I will! Promise  
> I always take more time writing this fic because I have to be very careful, especially with the new things I added =)
> 
> Hope you enjoy this big chapter
> 
> :*

I didn’t care to leave a note for my mom when I left home in that cold night. I knew she would be too tired from work and would surely wake up late, and I was confident that I would come back in time to get some sleep.

When I was alredy in the bus I started to feel a bit afraid that I wouldn’t be able to find Gerard in that place. What would I do _then_? Well at least I had money to get the bus back, the money that mom used to give me every day for lunch. I never really ate, just kept it. Sometimes I felt bad for it but other kids get allowance from their parents, which I never got, so it didn’t feel too unfair to me.

After an hour I got in Boonton; while other people were leaving the bus, I got the piece of paper from my jacket where I wrote the address Mikey gave me. I looked up and the bus was alredy empty. I got down and looked around, seeing a gas station near there. I didn’t think twice, just went there and asked for a man around his forties that worked there.

He looked at me with a cheeky smile.

“So, looking for Connexions, huh? Don’t you think you are too young to _decide_ _those_ _things_ , boy? You should be home with your parents.” I took a deep breath, irritated.

“Do you know where it is or not?”

“Of course” He rolled his eyes “Kids like _you_ come around all the time asking about that place.” He spoke in disgust “Just go forward on that street” He pointed “Until you see a line. It has a pink neon thing on the front.”

“Thanks.” I said, not friendly at all and started to walk. I heard him saying something like _“_ stupid faggot” but he wasn’t my focus tonight, so I just kept walking with my hands in my pockets.

After walking for fifteen minutes I started to think that asshole was messing with me and I was lost. I groaned but kept walking, I had to make sure; I walked for more ten minutes and was able to sigh in relief as I saw a gay couple going the same way as me. The man was right; there was a long line there. It would take some time, I guess. But it would be priceless to see Gerard Way in a fucking _dance club_.

 

**~~**

 

I was able to get in after twenty minutes; I did have to give half of my money to be able to get in being underage, even being easier than I thought. I felt angry for having to do that; if Gerard wasn’t there I would destroy the whole place.

As I got in, it wasn’t as agitated as I expected from the number of people outisde. It was actually way more organized than I thought it would be, for a club. Well, I never really went to one before to know how they were.

I decided to not call much attention, so I just sat on a sofa near the wall that didn’t get much of the colorful lights; I felt uncomfortable seeing so many people having fun with each other and making out. I was totally out of place there. I waited for about ten minutes, looking to the door, and didn’t see Gerard yet. Maybe I was right and Mikey was wrong after all; Gerard probably had left before me so he should be there alredy.

I sighed getting out of my comfort zone, kinda regretting going to that place. Maybe he really had moved on, after all he changed a lot in the last months. Maybe he got bored of always just being with me and he missed being with other people. He probably told me he loved me to try to get more _affectionate_ and when he realized I wouldn’t, he left. That thought hurted me even more. I hated to think of him turning into someone so superficial.

I had given up and was about to leave when I looked at the bar fast and saw Gerard pouring a bottle of Jack Daniels in two cups. He was sitting there and he gave one cup to the guy who was sitting next to him. Gerard _laughed_. He fucking laughed to the guy and drank. He didn’t even use to drink before! I got pissed and wanted to leave but I also felt the need to see it closer. I couldn’t believe Gerard turned into someone else like _this._ It was insane for me.

When finally I got out of the crowd that hided part of my vision I saw them better. But the guy… That motherfucker looked just like _me._

I felt stupid standing there just blinking at the scene. I couldn’t believe that. Did Gerard _choose_ that guy by accident or purposely as if I were a fucking _fetish_?

Gerard had his hand around the boy’s neck, alternating between caressing his hair and face. The only big difference is that the boy had a piercing on his lip and another one on his nose. But everything else was too similar to me. Black hair in a mohawk with a fringe over his green eyes; Pale skin, small nose, rose lips, short, not too fat and not too skinny. He wore all black just like Gerard. And just like _me._

I felt the anger all over my body, especially on my face that probably wasn’t looking very friendly considering the curious looks other boys and girls gave me as they passed by me to get in the crowd.

He wasn’t talking to me anymore, he was ignoring my existence and giving it all to a _stranger_ just because he had a similar appearance to mine.

I really, _really_ wanted to go there and throw all my feelings and thoughts on his face, all my anger… Nut I didn’t. I took a deep breath and left the club. I knew I couldn’t cause any disturb, now I just had money to go back home and I had spent too much time alredy, I had to be home before the sun comes up. I surprised myself again with tears as I lay my head on the bus window. I wasn’t sure for _what_ I was crying. There was just too many things.

 

**~~**

I woke up to the sound of knocks on my bedroom door;

“Frank! Frankie, wake up. Jesus, boy, it is almost 5 pm alredy. You can’t sleep the whole day.” My mom kept saying as she knocked harder. “Open the door! Mikey Way is on the phone, he wants to talk to you.”

I groaned as I finally opened my eyes and the sun hit on my face through the curtains. I got up and yawned, putting on my sweatpants and getting downstairs.

 _“What you want?”_ It was clear in my voice that I had just woke up and wasn’t happy at all, memories of last night getting all over my head again.

“ _Good morning to you too, Frank.”_ Mikey laughed sarcastically _“So, did you really go after Gerard yesterday?”_

 _“Yeah. But we didn’t talk, I decided to leave because I was tired.”_ I lied.

 _“What the hell? Well, will you believe me if I say he’s with a guy here?”_ He emphasized the word “here”, laughing.

 _“So? Why do I care?”_ Unfortunately I did. I got angry thinking he was sharing his time, thoughts and art with someone else. A _stranger._

 _“Dude, he got home drunk and with a guy. Seriously, what the fuck got into Gerard? Can you imagine my mom’s face?”_ He laughed _“She didn’t let them get in though, of course. Let me tell you, Gerard fighting while he’s drunk is the best thing ever. I wish I could record it but I didn’t find our camera.”_

_“Is that all Mikey? I was sleeping, you know.”_

_“Jesus, what time did you get back? He got here around 8 am. Well. They are in the basement right now but our parents don’t know that I let them in…And by the door I heard some…Noises. You know what I mean?”_

_“I thought you said you don’t care about what he does with his dick”_ I said sarcastically.

_“I don’t, but you should. You are his best friend, his dick matters I guess.”_

_“Correction, I WAS his best friend. Good things come to an end. Now I have to go.”_ I knew he would keep arguing and bothering me so I didn’t wait for an answer as I turned off the phone. There it was, another ruined day by Gerard Way.

 

**~~**

 

It was about 8 pm when I got back home with my mom; I helped her with the groceries and went to the living room to watch Freaks and Geeks, my favorite TV show. I was relaxing on the couch until the phone rang. I groaned.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi Frankie. Glad you picked it up”_ It was Gerard. Ugh.

_“What do you want Gee?”_

_“Frank”_ He sobbed _“I… I want to cut myself? What do I do?”_ I frowned.

_“What’s going on?”_

_“I-I’m in the basement and I found **her** old paintings… I feel so bad… I thought mom had sent them away… S-She lied to me, Frank. It’s all here… It’s so beautiful, more than I could remember…” _I sighed sadly.

_“Please don’t do anything. Just go upstairs and talk to Mikey.”_

_“I-I can’t… Only you know how to calm me when I get like that… Please… I know I was a bad friend. But I need you now._ ” It wasn’t possible… Part of me screamed: He’s manipulating you again, asshole. But the other part was the dominating one and it screamed that I had to run there and take care of him as a good friend that spent all his life supporting him in moments like this. Gerard’s parents always thought he was overreacting about being so affected for Helena’s death after so many years. They thought he had to just move on, like the whole family did. But he just wouldn’t, and at that time I thought it was expected since he was closer to her in the last years of her life. _“F-Frankie? Are you there? I’m running out of battery.”_ I sighed.

_“Calm down. I’m on my way.”_

**~~**

It was raining but I still went running to the Way’s house; I didn’t go through the front door, knowing Mikey would make questions and comments about last night. I took the confidence to just jump the fence and enter through the backdoor, using the key that was hidden under the flower vase as it’s been all these years; luckily as I got in, nobody was around to be seen and all the lights –at least downstairs- were off. I didn’t know if it was a problem with the energy or if they were upstairs, but I decided to not overthink and just go to the basement door.

I had to keep the door opened to be able to see the stairs to get down; I took some time to be careful, I couldn’t remember the last time I went there. As I looked around I heard some sobs. _Ugh, Gerard is probably crying like he was on the phone –_ I thought.

The basement was dark but the windows helped me see in the middle of the infinite number of boxes, old bicycles, a washing machine and finally lots of paintings that probably belonged to Helena. I kept walking in the direction of the sound, and when I turned my head to the right I saw that, in the corner of the basement, Gerard was sitting on some boxes. With his right hand he tried –miserably- to hold the brick wall for support, and his right hand was on… _Is that hair?_


	6. Chapter 06.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi

No, I wasn’t wrong at all: Gerard’s hand was gripping tight on some boy’s hair –the one Mikey told me about on the phone- as he sucked Gerard off. I just stand there shocked, with no idea of what to do. Some minutes ago Gerard had called me _crying,_ begging for help. Now he was just sitting there with his eyes shut and mouth opened leaving some gasps and moans out as a guy moved his head up and down on his crotch.

I felt furious. It was raining and I had given up all my pride to go there and _help_ him, but he was mocking me. This time, I couldn’t help it. I knew the Way’s were probably upstairs but I wouldn’t control myself this time.

“Gerard, what the fuck is this?” I said angrily, stepping out of the shadows and walking to them. The Strange Boy looked back up, with eyes wide and mouth shiny. That’s when I noticed it was really the same boy Gerard was with in the club. Probably the one he talked to on the internet. When I looked up at Gerard, he had a surprised face as he zipped his pants up _. It was fake._

“F-Frank, I thought you’d wait for the rain to pass.” He said and looked down at the boy and up to me again. The Strange Boy got up on his feet, he was really about my height and that made me even angrier.

“W-Who’s him Gee?” The Strange Boy said, looking at me with curiosity. Well, it was expected, after all he was probably thinking _I_ looked like him, not the other way around. But I do have to say, that’s was my _second_ thought. The first one was: _Gee_?

“You call me asking for help a-and when I get here…” I said, getting really furious and lost in my words, I could feel angry tears on my eyes. I took a deep breath “This is all part of your little game, isn’t it _Gerard_? You just want to destroy me.”

He frowned.

“Wait a minute, _you_ rejected me. So I can’t move on and meet other people? You wanted me to fucking crawl after you, didn’t you Frank?” He smiles sarcastically.

“What? Why would I want that? You _were_ my best friend my whole life and I just wanted to keep things that way.” I sobbed.

“Gerard?” The Strange Boy kept looking to me and Gerard at the same time, as if he expected that we would jump on each other at any minute.

“You didn’t even really thought about hurting yourself, did you?” I said and he arched one eyebrow at me “How stupid do you think I am? I saw you yesterday at that club, Gerard. I _know_ that you aren’t being your usual self. What I want to know is why the fuck are you doing all _this_? What are you trying to achieve?”

“What? You were stalking us?” The Strange Boy gasped. I rolled my eyes. “Gerard, I thought you said nobody knew that we...”

“Really, Gerard? You wanna say you are trying to _move on_? This fucking bitch looks just like _me_ , for God’s sake!”

“Hey, fuck you!”

“You surely didn’t find him by accident” I said and Gerard gave me a sided smile, confirming what I alredy knew.

“You’re right, I didn’t. But since you were treating me like shit I needed a _substitute_ for you.” Not only me but the Strange Boy didn’t seem very happy with that. “You keep thinking I don’t have a heart Frank… I have needs too. It wasn’t easy at all but I managed to find Evan on a gothic online community. I figured it would be easier to find a boy like _you_ there.”

“What?” Strange Boy –or should I say now, Evan- gasped. He tried to leave but Gerard got up from the box fast and held the boy’s arm.

“No no no, you’re not going anywhere yet baby. The fun is just about to begin now.” He laughed in a very malicious way that I’ve never heard from him before; Gerard’s laugh was usually loud and snorted, like the little kid that I knew he has always been. But _that_ one was different. There was something to be read there.

“Gerard, I work tonight at the store, I told you earlier. Let go of me!” Evan pleaded, trying to lose Gerard’s grip, but he was not just taller, he was stronger. I watched the scene unsure of what to do. Part of me wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves and go back home, never come back again. But one more time, the stupid dominating part _had_ to know what this was all about. I needed answers. I didn’t want our story to end like that. We’ve been together forever and I didn’t imagine a life without my best friend. We’ve been through fights before.   _Why would it be different now? What changed so suddenly?_

“You’ll stay.” He said with a serious look on his face. I was used to it but not in that context. I’ve never seen Gerard _harassing_ someone. “Sit.” He said between his teeth and the boy let out a sob but obeyed. I wondered why he didn’t keep trying to fight back. Gerard glared at me and turned around, looking for something on the top of the boxes.

“No fucking _fun_ is about to happen, unless by fun you mean my fist on your face.” I said and he turned around laughing sarcastically.

“Don’t be stupid, Frankie _._ You hurt me much more effectively with words than with your small hands. Now, I need to go upstairs to get something. You two wait me here.” I was used to Gerard _trying_ to order me around sometimes, being the spoiled prick he has always been. But after all _this_? It had to be some kind of joke. I got instantly angry.

“You can’t tell _me_ what to do” I smiled sarcastically and crossed my arms. Evan just stayed on the floor, quiet and looking down. _This boy has problems, for sure_. Letting himself be used like that. He had as much reason to be angry at Gerard as I did.

“Well, you’ll get used to it.” He smiled back and got upstairs. I followed right after him, of course. I wouldn’t just _stay_ there. He was too different, nothing familiar was expected at that time. But as he got out and I tried to follow, I was surprised that he suddenly turned around fast and I received a _punch_ in my eye. A fucking _punch._ He never ever laid his hand on me like this. With the shock I stumbled some stairs down, falling in shadows as the door closed and all I could hear was the sound of him locking it.

Evan ran to me and helped me go all the way downstairs and back where we were on the floor, putting me to sit where he was.

“Oh god… Does it hurt too bad? Are you okay?” He asked, worried. I felt a bit guilty of being an asshole to him. _Gerard_ was the one behind all this stupidity after all, not him. He probably thought he was going to meet a nice guy who was interested in _him_ , he probably never imagined he would meet me.

“Y-Yeah… Fuck. Is it bleeding?” Just like I always hated to see people suffer, I wasn’t different about _me_ suffering. The idea of my blood getting anywhere out of my body terrified me.

“Well, your eye is getting pretty red but…”

“Fuck.” I laid my head back on the wall, breathing hard. Gerard was fucking crazy to hit me and I wasn’t going to hesitate to tell _all_ this to his parents after I managed to get upstairs.

“Hey! Hey! Don’t fall asleep, please. I don’t wanna be alone here” Evan said, poking my side. But I couldn’t help it, I just felt my eyes closing slowly as I fell into a sleep.


	7. Chapter 07.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi  
> it's been a long time but the chapter is big. ^^  
> Sorry I'm slow on the updates, I said I wouldn't, it's just that I'm going through a bad time and don't feel like writing because it would affect the stories in a bad way, I really don't want to disappoint you, even if I take a long time I won't abandon my fanfics
> 
> enjoy

I woke up feeling my eye very sore but I could feel that it was covered with something warm and wet, forcing me to see just with my right eye. I looked up and saw the light was now turned on, making me realize I was still in the basement. I tried to get up but I couldn’t, I was tied up to the kitchen’s chair. I looked around and noticed that the windows were now covered in some kind of black plastic, I was unable to see outside, which made me wonder how much time I slept.

“Ger…Gerard” I coughed, my throat was dry.

“Shh! If someone hears you we are fucked.” I heard a voice behind me. _Behind?_

“Evan? Where are you?”

“I’m also tied up to a chair right behind you. Don’t scream, okay? Trust me, you don’t wanna make that mistake.” He said and I frowned, trying to look back but I couldn’t really see him.

“What you mean _someone_ will listen?” Just as I spoke, the door was opened. I felt relieved, it was probably Mikey or his parents. But when I looked to the stairs, it was Gerard. _Ugh_. “Gerard, have you lost your mind? Untie me, you piece of…”

“I knew I should have taped your mouth alredy.” He rolled his eyes, getting in front of me, with a cup of water. “Now drink.” He put it near my mouth but I closed it tighly. “Frank, don’t start.”

“Are you serious? What makes you think I’m gonna drink that shit? You probably put poison in it.”

“Jesus Frank” He sighed “It is _water_. If there was anything in it you would see. Now fucking drink before I lose my patient.” He said and I gave up and let him put it in my mouth. I was too thirsty to deny it.

“Good” He smiled.

“Gerard, please. Untie me. I wanna go home. This is not funny anymore.” I said, feeling water drops fall on my chin as he took the cup away.

“It’s not a _joke_ Frank.” He said with a frown, as if he was offended by my words. “I really hate that things _have_ to be like this. But I want you to never forget that I _tried_ to be friendly about it. I made you a declaration of love, I tried to make you be closer to me in the nicest way possible. But you denied it. So accept _my_ way now.” 

“Fuck you! I don’t _have_ to love you, which is good because I never will. You are a selfish fucked up piece of shit” I said angrily and he sighed.

“Your words can’t hurt me anymore. I turned them into something else.” He smiled showing his teeth.

“You sound fucking sick. Don’t you see it?” I said “Fucking _look_ at yourself, compare before and now Gerard. We were so… You fucking hit me! Fucking punched me in the face. Who are _you_? _My_ best friend would never do that, ever. We would always _protect_ each other, never hurt.”

“You should've think about it _before_. Well, now I’m going to talk to my parents and get some rest, I’m tired. I’ll be back soon.” He said and turned around to get something on top of a box “Oh, and just to prevent…” He took a tape and walked behind me, to Evan. I could see his shadow on the floor as he rolled the tap on the boy’s mouth. I could hear him struggling and that hurted me, the feeling of being impotent. He walked in front of me again.

“Gerard, wait!” He was about to put the tape on me but stopped and stared at me “Don’t you see that _this_ is how you’re going to ruin everything, as you said? When your parents and Mikey find out, man you are…”

“Relax Frankie” He laughed “How stupid do you think I am? They won’t be around _for_ some time, don’t worry. We’ll have enough time to deal with all this.” I couldn’t say anything else as he put the tape on me.

 

**~~**

 

I felt stupid as I woke up again. Of course the asshole had put something in my water to make me fall sleep, he wouldn’t go to bed and let me awake. I was thankful it wasn’t poisonous –but then I thought _that’s_ what he wanted. To make me scared, crying at his feet. Small. He wanted to make me wait and watch me suffer, killing me would just make it all easy for me. Then it hit me… _Killing me._ It got clear to me that Gerard was going to kill me, it was the only explanation. He said his parents and brother wouldn’t be around for some time, he seemed secure of that. He was secured that whatever he did would be finished by the time they got back. That made my stomach twist.

“E-Evan?” I tried to say but it came out muffled through the tape.

I didn’t get any answer. I groaned, leaning my head back on the chair. I was physically tired and I was wondering if my mom noticed my absence. She was used to me staying most of my time in the Way’s and that made my hopes of being found even smaller. I felt pure angriness thinking I would have to just stay there to Gerard’s mercy.

It felt like hours until the basement door was opened again. I looked up fast with hopeful eyes. It was Gerard again, with a disappointed look on his face.

“Okay Frank, we can do this the easy or the hard way.” He said getting in front of me. “Evan had the hard one, but you are the _better_ one so you should be smarter and just do what I say, yeah?” He said and put his arms around me. My body stiffened in shock, but then he puts his hands on the knot to untie me and then got on his knees to untie my legs. I felt relief since they were hurting too much alredy, but my hands were still tighly tied. “So, the whole house is locked and I got the keys hidden, there is no point trying to run, okay? I don’t even have the keys on me now.” He said looking up at me and I nodded. There was nothing I could think of doing, I never imagined myself in a situation like this. He was taller and stronger than me, that was confirmed pretty well last day, I couldn’t just try to attack him, especially with tied hands. And I was sure he wasn’t stupid enough to leave a knife lying around or something, not that I would have the guts to _use_ it.

He held my neck as he guided me upstairs to the kitchen. My eyes hurted a lot from the strong sunshine that came through the windows. He pushed me to sit on the chair and I saw the plate of alredy cut meat and baked potatoes. My eyes grew bigger and I felt agony as I wanted to eat but my mouth was still taped.

“Evan, you can come now.” Gerard called out and Evan came from the living room; I gasped as I saw his black eye. Just then I understood what Gerard meant by the _harder way_. The boy looked down the whole time and just stood there in front of Gerard. I felt like I was in a freaking horror movie, there was such tension in that place that once was a home for me. I felt pain as the tape was quickly removed from my mouth. I let out a scream of pain. “Feed him, Evan.”

Evan nodded and sat by my side, getting the fork with his trembling hands and putting on my mouth. He wouldn’t look at me but mostly at Gerard, scared, as if he expected his approval.

“Faster, Jesus. He’s not a baby, he can eat more.” Gerard complained and the boy shivered as he started to get more food with the fork. I didn’t even notice I was crying until I felt my salty tears mixing with the food. The worst part wasn’t just the humiliation but not being able to do _anything_ against it.

When we finished, Gerard put a new tape on my mouth and got me by the arm, shoving me back to the basement and locking the door. He didn’t even say a word or looked at me. I laid my head on the door and heard the slickness of kissing noises. Then it finally clicked to me: _Why the hell was I tied up and with a tape while Evan was free?_

 

**~~**

 

I was sleeping on the floor when I heard the door being shut down; I woke up fast and looked up to see Gerard. He pushed the chair Evan was tied to before and put it in front of me. He took the tape off my mouth, making me grown as he sat down.

“We need to get some things straight. You know Frank, I wasn’t lying to you” He sighed “I really was thinking about cutting myself. Do you think I’m proud of what I’m doing right now? It kills me inside that _this_ is the only way that I could ever have you with me.” He bit down his lip, he seemed to be holding back tears. That made me really angry; He was playing the victim when _I_ was the one tied up on that cold dirty floor.

“You _have_ to let me go, Gerard” I said, my voice sounding raspy as I spoke as calm as possible. I knew if I started screaming at him he would just shut my mouth again, and I feared how long he would keep me that way. “Look, in consideration for the friendship we had all this years, I swear I won’t tell anyone _anything_. I don’t want you to go to jail. That is not your place. You need _help_.”

“I do trust you Frank” He sounded very sincere and I was surprised by his words; I expected him to think I was lying or something –which I _really_ was. He was my friend once but it doesn’t make all this less of a crime. “But I know that means we will surely never see each other again. No matter what happen, I know things will never be the same between us like before. Well, for me that’s not new. You said yourself that ‘we can’t be friends like before’ when I told you I liked you.”

“Gerard, look at me right now” I sobbed, feeling pathetic. But I had to use all the resource I had to get out of this situation. I knew that physically I couldn’t fight back Gerard, however I always dealt with him in the emotional way. I knew nothing affected him more than words, he said that himself and I knew it wasn’t a lie. “Is _this_ how you show your love for me? Throwing me around, tying me up and leaving me on the cold floor as you make out with my clone?”

“W-What? How… How do you…” He looked very shocked as I said that, which confused me. He alredy knew that I was aware he had something going on with Evan. “Frank, that was _before_. In fact if I had _this_ idea before I wouldn’t even go look for someone else. But to be honest, I really didn’t think you’d come back to my house. I called you in desperation.”

“What you mean? I came here on Friday to talk to Mikey. He said you two were playing videogames and you left because of _me._ ”

“What? No, I didn’t even see you.” Gerard said with a frown. “Well, I did leave sometime to answer my phone, I didn’t want Mikey to know about Evan. Why did you come to talk to my brother? You hate each other.”

“No, we don’t! I had to talk to someone about you, and he is the closest person to the both of us.”

“What did he tell you Frank?” Gerard said with a very suspicious look on his face. That time I started wondering if I said too much.

“That you’ve been liking me for _years_. Unlike you said.”

“I said _some time._ ”

“Gerard, we are just teenagers. We’re still in high school... You’ll have so many years to meet new people, you _have_ to move on so both of us can live!”

“I did! You're the one who came back.”

“Yeah right” I took a deep breath, angrily “If you really are with Evan why the hell you keep me here then? Let me go and do whatever you want with him, I don’t give a shit.”

“That’s the thing Frank...” He sighed “Why would I have just one of you when now I can have _two_?”


	8. Chapter 08.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Sorry for the long wait, I was travelling (wasn't planned) and had no internet or phone this week  
> Thanks for the support

I felt stupid and guilty as I laid my head on the wall and just watched the yellow light bulb; I was growing tired of all his, exhausted. Just thinking that _I_ put myself in this situation made me want to hit myself. If I wasn’t weak I would say no to Gerard and stay home, he would do whatever he wanted with Evan and we would move on somehow. But to be honest, that didn’t seem very realistic either, considering that Gerard said things would never be the same between us; But surely not in the way that I say for the first time, which was about our more affectionate moments.

Now, _this_ was a whole new level.

I never imagined myself in a situation like this, and at that time it still wasn’t very clear _why_ Gerard was doing all that. Not about _me,_ but what made him have the impulse to do that. Risk all his life and mine to _this._ He saw me as an object. He saw Evan as an object. That meant he wouldn’t think twice before doing _anything_ to us. Sometimes I would cry in fear, lowly so nobody would listen. I spent most of my time thinking what would be his intentions, how he would put an end to this. Sometimes I even wondered if it would have an end. I wasn’t able to read him like before. I didn’t know that new Gerard.

“H-Hi Frank. It’s time for lunch.” I looked up from the floor and saw Evan, smiling and holding a plate of lasagna on his hands. This time though, he had a spoon. I frowned “Oh, uhm, Gerard told me to not let anything sharp around you while we're alone.” I rolled my eyes, but inside I felt kinda shocked. It’s like that boy didn’t understand that _we_ are victims and Gerard is the one controlling us

“Am I really the person you should fear the most in this house?” I said as he took the tape off my mouth. He sighed and sat down in front of me.

“Please don’t make this harder. All you have to do is take a shower and sleep on the floor. You don’t know what _I’ve_ been through.” He said and started to feed me. I wasn’t ashamed anymore, just hungry, and the climate felt less heavy without Gerard around anyway. Then it hit me again, Evan was _free_. Still, there he was.

“Why he doesn’t tie you up anymore? Why does he let you outside of the basement?” I said feeling angry. He looked at me confused. “You could run away, why the fuck are you here?”

“Frank, you don’t understand” He put the plate down on his lap “Things are not _that_ easy. My relationship with Gerard is not like you have with him. Or anyone else at all.”

“What the fuck you mean?”

“L-Look, I don’t wanna talk about it, okay? I don’t want to get both of us in more trouble. The less you know, the safer you are. Now just eat please?” He said, getting food on the spoon and looking up at me with pleading eyes. I sighed but opened my mouth to eat.

I got way more confused, especially because I didn’t know what kind of relationship he thought Gerard and I had. He just know me based on the things Gerard told him, and that didn’t make me feel any better.

After about ten minutes we were finishing and the door was opened; Gerard got downstairs and walked to us, with a satisfied smile. That disgusted me. It was like we were his fucking _pets_.

“Is it good? Well, I hope so. It’s the best frozen food I could find in the grocery store.”

“Gerard, I… I need to pee.” I said looking up at him and _this_ surely was very humiliating, but it was necessary. I had to try something. Just _try_.

“Y-You want me to bring him a bucket?” Evan said looking back up at Gerard, still sat in front of me. Gerard stared at him.

“A _bucket_?” He laughed “Are you kidding me? Just… Shut up Evan. I didn’t _ask_ anything yet.” The boy just nodded and looked back to his lap. He didn’t even seem sad. I felt indignated but I didn’t say anything. “Get up, Frank. I’ll take you.”

He got me up by my arm and dragged me upstairs, I heard Evan coming up with us. It felt great to be outside of that basement again. I took the chance to look outside and it was a grey day, with a thin rain falling. When we got to the bathroom upstairs, Gerard pushed me inside and closed the door behind us. I just stand there and looked back at him.

“So… Peeing, you know? I have to.”

“I know. That’s why we’re here.” He said with no emotion at all and just stared at me; I sighed nervously.

“Really, Gerard? You gonna treat me like that now? _All_ this I’m going through because of your selfish, dirty thoughts isn’t enough?” I said angrily and he crossed his arms.

“You better do it now, because I won’t keep bringing you up. Enjoy this moment or do it in your pants later. Your choice.” He smiled sarcastically and I groaned, turning to the toilet and pulling my pants and underwear down just enough to be able to do it, but also being careful to not let Gerard see much. It was harder than usual with the _audience_.

As I pulled my pants back up and turned back at him, suddenly this _stupid_ idea hit me. Gerard frowned as I just looked up and down at him; I turned to my side fast and kicked his groin. He fell to the floor instantly, groaning in pain. I felt such adrenaline that made me take some time to open the door with the key that I got from his hands; my hands couldn’t stop trembling in anxiety. All I could think was that I was going to leave, finally. As I opened the door and tried to leave, he took a hold of my feet. I kicked back and hit the back of his head, running outside.

“Come back here!”

I ran to his room, completely lost in what to do. It was a big mess and my eyes wided as I saw a pair of handcuffs on his bed and a _knife_ on the nightstand. I felt my body get cold. Until then, Gerard didn’t use any kind of weapon to keep us there. But it was really scary to think he would ever have the guts to use that. I hoped it was _just_ to scare us. I looked around, desperate, then I saw Mikey’s skateboard next to his computer desk. It would be perfect to break the living room window downstairs, the biggest one I could remember at that time.

As I was ready to get the skate and go back to the hallway, I heard the door being shut. I turned back, afraid that it was Gerard. But no, it wasn’t.

“Fuck, thank god it’s you Evan. He’s down, it’s our chance to get out of here” I said and ran to the door but he just took a step back against it. I frowned “What are you doing? We’re wasting time.”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that, Frank” He sighed, sadly. “I’m very sorry.”

“Okay, I don’t know what the fuck is your problem, but that’s not my business. You want to be treated like his dog, go on. I don’t have to.” I said pushing him aside, and got surprised as before I could open the door he got a grip on my hair, making me groan in pain. He pushed me to the floor and got on top of me to hold me down.

“Please stop, please.” He kept whispering and I could hear steps on the hallway. My eyes wided.

“Evan, you have to let me go _now_. He’s coming.” I said and he just kept repeating for me to stop. That got me furious “Evan! Stop this shit! Let go of me” I didn’t want to _really_ hurt him until then, but I had to think about me there since he wasn’t able to do that for himself, so I hit my head against his and struggled to get back on my feet, which was hard with hands tied.

Unfortunaly, before I could even open the door, Gerard did. He didn’t have a happy look on his face as he stared at me. I tried to move and attack him but felt my body being pulled back from behind and some kind of cloth being forced in my mouth. I screamed and fought against it, but there wasn’t much I could do. Slowly my body felt more relaxed and I felt Evan supporting me so I wouldn’t just fall down on the floor. He put my head on his lap and I felt his tears falling on my cheeks, but they weren't mine.

“I-I told you Frank… Why didn't you listen to me? I would save us.” He said something else but his voice sounded so far away as my eyes began to shut slowly.

I was right, after all. It was a terrible idea to fight back.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what you think?


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